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 My rp sample :D

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Raikou



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Join date : 2008-11-28

PostSubject: My rp sample :D   Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:29 am

It was a regular day in Konoha. The birds were chirping, and the light was shining through the trees. Few could find shade from the heat of the sun, but one person wasn’t looking. It was Miguel, as he was found walking through the area of Konoha. He was headed towards his shop, which was about to open in the next minute. It was time to get it moving. He leaped into the air, around 2 feet off of the ground as he brought his legs up to his chest, and two Cogs formed under him along with other Cogs to make a small board. He manipulated this to move through the air sleekly, and quickly.

He sped through the village. He soon reached his store, to find an old man standing there with a clock. He leaped off his board, and walked toward the doors of the store, and opened the doors and invited the man in, and walked behind the counter. The man set the clock down, and he examined it, and looked to the back of the clock. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, the Appoculus formed. This was the eye he had discovered through the encounter, and he used it to look at the gears within the clock. He held his hand out to the back of the clock, and started to move his hands, as he noticed a bent cog, and removed it.

He opened the back of the clock gently, removed the cog, measured the radius, and turned to his shelf to the exact measurement of a gear to the bent one. He lifted it and put it back in, and, using the Appoculus, he moved it back into place. He looked up at the man, who was idly walking around the store, looking around at the many cogs and clocks which were placed around the area. He smiled as he looked back down into the clock. It was only a few centimeters from completion.

He placed the cog into place, and smiled as he called the man over, and spoke, “Done, sir.”

The man walked over to the counter with a smile on his face as he said, “Thank you.”

The man left as the bell rang, and Miguel began to relax behind his counter, and looked around the area through all of the cogs. He frowned as he looked about. Something wasn’t right. He narrowed his eyes as he turned, and dashed outside to find the man. The man had vanished, and the bent cog read something.

‘Your skills are profound. We’ll have to settle this later.’

Miguel narrowed his eyes, as he looked at a young Shinobi, about his age, smiling at him with the same clock in his hands. It was a transformation Jutsu, and the Shinobi vanished within a large explosion of purple smoke. Miguel quickly reacted by jumping out of the smoke, and smiled after he looked at the area, and the man was gone. Miguel had a feeling that he would be back, but the time was the problem.

"It looks like I've found a new friend, or enemy." Miguel said.

Miguel jumped to where the transformation was, I always know this jutsu would come in handy, I just didn't know when. Miguel thought, as a smirk appeared on his face, and he started a string of handseals.

"Hidden Jutsu, Retrieval of a God" Miguel said, as he finished his string of handseals.

Miguel looked around, as another explosion of smoke appeared, and inside of it was the true body of the man. Miguel jumped in the air, grabbing three kunai out of his belt, throwing two of them at his opponent, and keeping the other in his hand. Miguel fell to the floor, landing on his feet, and imediatly put the blade of a kunai on the neck of his foe.

"Guess you've found me, eh?" Said the man, as he tried to wiggle his way away from the knife, to no avail.

Miguel started to enter one of the veins in the mans neck, asking"Yes, but I have a question, why didn't you come here in person at first?" Miguel asked, as he got closer and closer to the nerve that would kill this man.

The man chuckled as he replied,"Because, i'm a B-ranked missing ninja."

Miguel was about to kill him, when he pushed the kunai knife into his trachea and one of his major nerves, killing himself in seconds, and committing suicide.

Miguel freaked out, as he walked back into the store, trying to forget all of this.

But there were onlookers, and so he got his new name... Zetsuemi.
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Raikou



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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:32 am

sorry for double-posting, just wanted to put this in there... I'm going for S-ranked
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Ryoushi Hanshou
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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Sun Nov 30, 2008 10:42 pm

I like it. This post has perfect spelling and grammar. It is entertaining and long enough that it is in the running for S-ranked. The only problem is the fact that you used an NPC. This however I can overlook as it is a minor NPC and it gives the sample a feel that most RP samples lack. So in conclusion I give this RP sample the rank you wanted.

S-Ranked

(ooc: this site is starting to die, so if you could tell your friends and advertise for us that would be great. Thank you.)

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S.Laughter89
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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:26 am

I'm not disagreeing with you, Ryoushi, but I think that it deserves a second opinion. I agree, though, that it's an S-Ranked post, but I have a few questions first. Like, for example, I have seen no character bio, so I have no idea of what most of these abilities are, and I request that, before it's officially finalized, we wait for his character bio and what-not.

Second, although this isn't much of a question more of a suggestion, you should be a little more clear. I had a little trouble following what was going on at times, particularly at "Miguel was about to kill him, when he pushed the kunai knife into his trachea and one of his major nerves, killing himself in seconds, and committing suicide." I like it, but it is a little confusing how the suicide is worded. This is not enough to subtract from your score too much, but I want to request that you work on this in the future.

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Mange
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Join date : 2008-07-13
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Location : Kokuei is training...thats why I havent posted in the RP as him. So yea.

PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:04 pm

Your supposed to to your sample before you do your character sheet (bio)
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S.Laughter89
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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:15 pm

I know, I'm just sayin' we don't make it official until the bio is all.

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Mange
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Location : Kokuei is training...thats why I havent posted in the RP as him. So yea.

PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:39 pm

they have to have their sample graded before they can make their bio
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Ryoushi Hanshou
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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:25 pm

I made it that way so that the players would not have to edit there bios like ten times. This way they get their grade and make the character. That simple.

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S.Laughter89
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PostSubject: Re: My rp sample :D   Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:12 pm

I see... I was just saying that I wanted to see his bio before I said "Okay, be whatever you want!" I understand, though, that's just me. Like I said, I'll go with what you said, I just wanted to make sure I was heard.

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