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 Kinzoku Jin

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Captain Commander
Captain Commander

Posts : 75
Join date : 2008-08-14

PostSubject: Kinzoku Jin   Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:22 pm

"Its been so long. And after all these years, there is still war. My ancestors fought numerous battles, in order to bring peace. But i was once told that peace, is only temporary. In a sense, its just like our existence. We live and we die, so that means our lives were only temporary. But i was also told, that even though we have a temporary existence. It's what you do with that time, that makes you who you are. So in honor of my ancestors. I will forge a path like they did. But i wonder which path will i follow, since the answer to that i do not know". The man then emerged from the darkness. He had a determined look in his eyes. An expression that implied, he was on a mission. And with that same expression, he stepped forward as he tried to forge his own path.

It was not long after, that his trusted companion came crashing into him. "Hey what are you doing? I was just finishing my big speech". The man then let out a slight chuckle and looked towards the sky. "Its been a while right Akemi? I can't believe so may years have passed. And we have hardly made any progress. What am i to do?". The man asked as he stood there.

"Well you can start by taking a bath. Its been two days. Plus we haven't eaten anything decent. Its tough being on the run". Akemi said to the man. It seems living the life of a missing nin, surely had its drawbacks. To always be on the run, always aware of ones surroundings. Could drive a anyone insane. But it seems these two, are strong enough to overcome these hard times.

(I hope its not too short)
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Ryoushi Hanshou

Posts : 181
Join date : 2008-07-11

PostSubject: Re: Kinzoku Jin   Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:42 pm

It's not too short but I did notice at least one grammatical error and you did control another character for half of the post. That being said, you did a great job with your speech and the way you controlled the other character was not that detrimental to your score. I give this a B so your characters are able to be up to the rack of Jounin/Anbu.


Ryoushi Hanshou. Hokage and medical specialist.
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